Empty Nest

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I would empty myself of life to hold you again, but they tell me not to rush fate. They tell me that it gets better. My dreams have fallen. I worshiped joy and found sorrow. I dared to fly and I have been shot down. I remain crippled by my own imagination. 

Let them dismiss their luck. I greet them with hollow eyes. They deny the power motherhood gives them. Mere sheep, for I give birth to death. I am the mistress of suffering, the bedfellow of unrequited need and relentless heartbreak. I am pain and tears and blood. I leak the gore of half-formed life. 

Bring to me your flowers in their prime. I will teach them to wilt. Your pain is my nirvana. 

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Transformation

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The darkness nuzzled my damp cheeks like a soft velvet glove. 

“Why are you crying? it whispered raspy and cool. “Darkness is here…the world is softening…there are no more edges to cause you pain. Let go of your sorrows and see into the night.”

I did as he bade me, and melted into his cloak. My eyes saw the world from the breath of the moon, and I was enraptured there. My pain became dull, and spreading my wings, I flew into the night. My heart was full of darkness…and so I shunned the light. 

Empty

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The ice inside my veins expand

My stony heart is cracking

Eyes provide a window to an empty room

Air moves freely there

Walls pulse without meaning

Memories like paper blow through space

All is silent

All is listless living without life

New

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New

Ten days have inked by since the celebration of the New Year. North Carolina reached 6 below zero temperatures, freezing the water in our pipes for nearly three days! On the sixth I turned 22 with my twin sister, and together, we had 44 candles on our birthday cake! It is becoming quite a chore for my mother to light so many candles!

It has been a while since I have posted anything, and while I know that the bloggosphere is polluted with these types of posts, I have decided to add mine for posterity sake!

Our expectations don’t always match up with reality, but that doesn’t mean you should give up dreaming! Our dreams help us to find our path, even if we don’t always end up where we intended! Without further ado, I lay down my hopes and dreams for the New Year!

This year I will be graduating from college with a paralegal degree! Before that happens, I’m planning an internship, and many many career fairs. After all, the reality is that many dreams must lay dormant until I have a steady job. Life is like a puzzle, certain things must fall together before other pieces will fit!

This year will mark Chris’s first paid time off! We’re planning a belated honeymoon at Myrtle Beach! I’ve already purchased him some swim trunks for the occasion. If any of you have suggestions for the things we should definitely add to our “do or see” list, please comment below!

The scariest part of the plan is to move into a house of our own by the end of the year. I am completely rabid with planning! Once we have that important piece of the puzzle in place, we’re going to start trying in earnest to have a munchkin. I know that to many people, 22 is rather young to be thinking about something like munchkins. It may just be how my heart is reacting to the miscarriage of the past year, being more of an intense longing, than a thought grounded in any logic.

If there are any sage mothers reading this, did you have an aha! moment that assured you that you were ready to become a mother? Comment below and share your thoughts! I have babies on the brain, no doubt. Tell me your stories! I look forward to reading them!

I know that this post was not poetry or even really interesting to most of you, but it made me happy to put it all down regardless. I hope all of you are having a beautiful new beginning as this year starts to move on. We’ll only ever have this year once! Let us make it a fabulous one!