Fate

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 An expanse of darkness

A pinpoint in the distance

Closing the space

Gentle caresses

Two bodies there were found

Across time and space

By one soul bound

Trial and error

Never was fate fairer

 In whose eyes

Hope was mirrored

Patient sighs

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The Road

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 In the rain, cotton dresses grow heavy

In the lane the trees are rife with dance

The wanderer goes wandering in a trance.

The patient one trips lightly along

Discussing Neitzche with the oak who is wise

Down in the clearing the rain softly sighs

The colors are swimming

The silence is dimming

The one who was lost

Slowly rises

The wanderer

Onto pointed toes

A spinning she goes

Spinning she goes

Round and round and round

3…

2…

1…

The wanderer looks down

With laughter at Earth’s frown

Reaching the sun’s crown

She pauses to drown

His light takes her slowly

Tells her all that is holy

As she falls into his effervescent might

Misunderstanding

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I think I had an ill conceived idea about what happily ever after meant. I firmly believed that if I found and married my one true love that it would be impossible for sadness to ever find me. I believed that I would never know sorrow again. I didn’t know that I was so foolish until I got married, and I found myself puzzled.

“What’s wrong?” I asked myself, “why am I unhappy?” I realized (even though everyone told me thusly) that happily ever after isn’t the whole story. Life doesn’t go forth happily from “I do”. Life goes on, nothing more. The same ups and downs, the same disappointments, and the same heart break continue. The only difference between ever after, and happily ever after, is having someone to share the after with.

Depending on my true love to generate my happiness is unfair, and dooms him to failure. No one is strong enough to carry the depth of their own emotions, and the weight of someone else. It simply isn’t possible. I used to think of myself as strong and independent. Lately, however, I have been wilting. I need to pick myself up and realize that true love is a partnership…and stop letting my other half carry my dead weight.

Just a bit of personal reflection and musing

~Sarah

Rock Bottom

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Oh, man does it hurt when you slam into life’s rock bottom. You feel like you’re trying to climb out of a pit, but there’s nothing to grab onto. People want to help, but they don’t know how…and you don’t even know what you need. You’re stuck. You put your head in your hands, and the tears just roll on out. The worst part is knowing that there were probably caution signs, but you didn’t notice because you were too busy doing what you thought was the right thing. 

Turns out you missed your turn and even your GPS doesn’t know where the heck you are.  You keep going, though. Even when there’s nowhere to go because you’re in this awful pit, you keep moving because that’s the only way you’ll find a way out–even if there isn’t one.  You tell yourself that it will be okay, and give yourself a superficial hug. You don’t believe yourself, of course, but you tell yourself anyway.  While you were pacing and thinking and worrying, you didn’t realize how far you had gone. You didn’t notice what a difference all your efforts had made. When it finally sinks in that you’re no longer at rock bottom, it’s almost like it never happened. 

You vow you’ll never forget though, because forgetting is dangerous. Forgetting means we didn’t internalize the lesson, that we didn’t understand how we hit rock bottom. Forgetting means we’ll get stuck again…and the second time will be so much harder to pull ourselves up. But we will. It’s what we do. We pull ourselves up and start anew daily, every sunrise, every breath, every heartbeat. We start anew. Always. 

Get lost

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Hey guys! 

I’m sure you’ve noticed this post is NOT a poem or any manner of prosy thing.  I wanted to take time to connect. We all live such busy lives. I’m sure many of us day dream about having a caffeine IV to keep us going! We rush to make dinner, we rush to clean up, we rush to meet deadlines, and be on time. I don’t know about you guys, but sometimes I find myself racing the clock so often, that I get anxious when I catch glimpses of it while I’m trying to sleep. 

Since an alarm is a necessity, my insightful husband has made it a practice to set the alarm, and then turn the clock to face the wall. Now I can’t see it! My clock racing anxiety has completely disappeared and I am actually sleeping! Something so simple can make such a profound change for the better!

Because of this revelation, I have  started to look for more ways to beat the rush induced anxiety. I have become ultra organized in my daily tasks, taking a page out of my military training.  This has freed up so much of my time that used to be spent guessing and wondering what I should be doing. I’ve even eliminated the chore of trying to figure out what to make for dinner by making a menu before I go grocery shopping. 

Now, all of this is so wonderful, but what does that have to do with the title of this post? Getting lost? Huh? Well I think that taking a break to get lost from the daily grind is the most important activity you can do to relieve stress. Yesterday my husband took me on an impromptu picnic when I got home from class. It was totally unexpected, and he had everything ready as soon as I walked through the door and put my books down. Part of me hedged, “I shouldn’t go have fun,” I told myself. “I have work to do” I admonished. But I went, and I am so glad that I did! I felt so completely rejuvenated! We didn’t catch any fish, but the freedom of sitting on that river bank. No cars, no traffic. There are no clocks there, just Chris, me, and the dog. 

In this moment I realized that living isn’t what we do when we’re racing the clock. Those aren’t the moments we’re going to celebrate. The moments we’ll remember and treasure are the moments when we clock out of routine. The time we are allowed to just be, to just exist, even if it’s a simple breath, that time belongs to us.